I've been meaning to get around to writing this- but I've just moved to a place I feel allows me to actually commit to what is written.

The idea is literally just adulting as best as I can...before my brain wraps up its developing stage. I was to give myself the best head start for the rest of my adult life as I can with what I've got. Habits form the base of a successful life from what I've seen and heard. There's so many different kinds of habits though I have to learn to manage, the habits that keep your body healthy, your mind powerful, and your bands stacked. So far I'm trying to be more aware of my spending, cleaning, eating, and drug habits. Some changes have certainly been made, but hard to keep.

I've already developed a decent mindset about this, but from time to time (rn) I beat myself up a little too hard. I think it happens when I slip into the rat race thinking I'm building up to a happy life with how much I earn. The all-consuming dollar tends to lead to disaster. The more I earn the more I want to spend! I'm currently working 2 jobs, anywhere between 50-65 hours a week. Before moving up here I supposedly made $21,000....but moved up here with only liiiike $8,000? 

Like bitch where did my money gooooo?

Well $5,000 for my first car, but besides that I don't think I made any other big purchases. It was mostly going out with friends. I lived in LA so ofc I had to! And pot, cant forget how strong my dependency was during 2023. 2024 is....an improvement overall. Im actually relieved to say that. Kinda the whole point in me leaving LA, my friends, and family. Not as many trips to cool food spots, the pot here sucks too much to even be addicted, and gas never goes above $4. So plenty of money spending situations out the door, but $450 rent (thank the lord ofc) to live with my Aunt and Uncle. 

I originally had a plan for moving up here. During the year of 2024 I would be saving up for taxidermy school and the rent of moving to the school, while also keeping my emergency fund. But one rainy day...

I called the Montana  School of Taxidermy and Tanning....

BOOOOOP

"Montana  School of Taxidermy and Tanning this is (I forgot) speaking!"

"hello ma'am! Im calling to ask if I can swing by your school to learn more about attending within the next year!"

"oh honey...we retired! the facility has already been sold!"

Isabella is too stunned to speak

"well sorry about that! have a good one!"

I sobbed viciously that night. I wanted THAT school, not the bum ass one in Billings or whatever other schools there are in this state. I wanted the one I found listening to an amazing podcast by Ologies about taxidermy. Fucking sucks but it is what it is.

Sooooo right now...Im stuck at a crossroads.

Do I find someone willing to take me under their wing and risk low pay, no benefits, and enter a small job market? Not be considered a real taxidermist till years and years later, past the time I feel I have left to travel without too many responsibilities? Or do I take this chance now to travel and expand outside the States? I like to think there are more careers or trades I could slip into by doing work for stay. Hospitality for one. Agriculture too even.

When I picture my growth I think of my hair. I think of myself with hair down to my waist, and its clean and brushed and healthy. I do my chores and stick to my routines. I have a good amount in my savings and a marvelous credit score. I brush my teeth twice a day, I never have dirty laundry piled on my bed, and I take my meds every day without fail. I always save some time in the day to do a full body stretch to maintain my flexibility. 

I've currently got my hair in a pixie cut, its growing out from a shaved head. I'm years away from what I desire. I don't know what I look like with my hair long and natural. But I do know I'm capable of achieving my best life. Long hair included for suuuure. I mean within a year I managed to move out of my childhood home. I can spend a year to travel outside the country...right? And fix my habits with spending money? And not indulge in all my impulses to cut and style my hair? 

But right now I love my life with my short hair, dusty old cannabis flower, and the home I will always have in LA. There is so much time ahead of me, and I can trust myself to choose the path to my happiness and success.